So this is a serious question for all us sex workers. A lot of times people, especially from my family keep telling me that I(28F) need to switch to my previous vanilla and low paying job, who was making me miserable but yet was more prestigious and socially acceptable and quit sex work, in order to settle down because I will not be able to find a quality man if I keep doing this, they say.

The thing is that I really enjoy sex work and the money also is amazing, I love the freedom, the flexibility, everything. I can make and save more money, do more of the things that I love such as traveling, shopping, beauty treatments, etc. But my mother especially believes that I will regret it long term and I need to return to my vanilla job and find a good guy and settle down. I just want to keep doing this as long as it makes me happy. What do you think? Would you quit sex work for the sole purpose of starting seriously dating again and finding your soul mate or future husband? I know many of you will say that many men will accept this kind of job and maybe this is true, but in Europe especially in my country probably people have a lot more stereotypes. I wait your replies, thank you.

Comments

• I saw this thing awhile back, I’m going to butcher it, but the basic premise was what an older woman would tell her younger self or younger girls. Don’t give your youth away for men. Don’t let their snide remarks alter your values. Don’t allow yourself to be swayed by a future others want for you. Life for you. I wish I’d been able to do this for myself. Maybe I still can but I’ve got a lot of work to do to get there. Pressure to conform is very strong from society. It’s hard. But I think it’s worth sticking to your guns if you’re satisfied with your life. If you are, you’ve already won in life.

• Keep doing what makes you happy. Settling down when you aren’t ready will only make you bitter and resentful. If being in a relationship is necessary for your mother, make one up. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. That being said, I am at the point in my journey where I would give it up for someone that was able to be a true partner, honest friend and trusted confidant. It sucks not being able to share the amazing things I’ve done with someone sometimes.

• I also don’t understand why “settling down” is somehow mutually exclusive from doing sex work??? I am a sex worker, I just bought a house and will move there with my husband and continue to be settled down and we will not have children and we will continue doing sex work. lol these concepts are so ludicrous when we really break them down.

• Work until I’m unhappy. That’s what I’ve done actually. I learned my lesson and started refusing any potential partner that wasn’t fully supportive of my sex work, and didn’t over sexualize me either. Now I’m engaged to the greatest person ever, and actually recently decided to leave the industry as it hadn’t been good for my mental health for a very long time. Knowing I could do whatever I chose and still have an amazing support system actually provided me what I needed to leave the industry as it hadn’t made me happy the final year

• No, I’m already very settled. I have a house and all that jazz. I don’t think I’ll quit SW. I also have a vanilla job. But I can have a dinner date and make 2500….why would I just give that up? A marriage is the most serious business decision you’ll ever make. Why would I close my business unless I was leaving for a higher paying, easier working business?

• Fuck what society says about how a woman should live their lives! Do whatever make YOU happy! I never want the vanilla life and settle down. Most of those type of relationships I see they are miserable and unhappy

• I’d never give up sex work. I do work fulltime, and do sex work part time. I gave up on love, being a good woman, and giving a damn about family when my poor little heart was broken when I was younger. Besides, sex work encourages me to remain single because I love tricking and do not trust a man. I’m more successful being anyone’s wh0re, rather than me putting faith in one man who I’d give the world to. Although this isn’t for everyone, I do encourage giving up some things for goals you see yourself in the future. No one is perfect and if you have a good guy, want a good man or a future with a man, considering leaving adult work would be nice, but not my biitch asss, girl the only man in me is a paying one, or I can play the nun celibate game because my vajayjay got a barcode, no exemptions. I’d probably check myself into a hospital for a month if I ever loved a man and slept with him for free. Jesus🕊💫😂

• If you’re successful at something and like it, why quit. Keep going as long as you want. On the other hand, if you want to move on to a different phase of life, then quit. In either case: know how to invest your money so you don’t need to work out of necessity.

• Honestly me and my hubby talked about it for a while and I always wanted to show off to people but not let them touch. So I made an onlyfans our love life has improved 200% It showed me that even though I’m a mother of three I’m still sexy! Since I do with him a nothing is hidden its guilt free and we are happy!

• Who wants to spend their life tied down to some man? 😵‍💫 That’s my worst nightmare.

• Haha exactly my thoughts. But it’s so difficult to explain this to some people. For some the most important thing in life is to get married and make a family. I suffocate with this idea, it’s not my type. I would probably like to get married if I find the right person but I don’t want children. The other thing is that I really enjoy the variety that offers sex work, it’s thrilling. I like to experience different men, I love sex and I like to touch and feel a variety of men. Also I like to feel financially independent and most of the boring vanilla jobs don’t pay as much as sex work.

• Settle down with who? Haven’t seen any men in my life that actually go above the minimum standard of being respectful and clean. I’m happy where I am. Only a few hours a day and I’ve got a happy wage.

• Depends what sort of person u r and what makes you happy. I’ll share my experience, take it with a grain of salt but it’s good to get different perspectives ……. I first started in this industry as an exotic dancer and I had the same mentality as your mother and was worried I was now “tarnished” and had messed up my chances of meeting a man and settling down. Then I met “the man of my dreams” quit working and got married. He was everything I wanted and quite wealthy so I thought I would never have to worry about working a day of my life again lol (oh how wrong I was). I thought all my dreams had come true. But like most marriages it didn’t last long (he was extremely controlling and violent). So I left him only taking with me a suitcase and $500. Because I still had the same mentality and hopes and dreams of finding my next husband I didn’t want to mess those up by working in the sex industry again (even though I wanted to) plus I moved back to my home town and my parents would have disowned me. So I went back to the corporate world and slaved away being treated like shit, hating life and earning just enough to get buy. I remember some mornings when my alarm went off I would start crying and sometimes after finishing my lunch break on my walk back to the office I would fantasize about getting run over by a car so I could go to hospital and not have to go back to work. These jobs weren’t even bad most people would be more than happy to work there but I was delusional and wanted to be cast in the next season of real housewives of Beverly Hills or something (jokes kinda lol). After about 4 years of trying to keep up this charade I thought fuck it, why do all this shit to keep my family, society and possible future husband (who I’ve never meet) happy. None of these people have helped me when I needed it but they have these high expectations of me that I have to uphold. I decided I’m not going to lose any more of my best money making years on a man I might not ever meet. So I quit my job and started doing full service escorting. 10 years on and a lot of therapy later my “dream life” is nearly the opposite of what I thought my “dream life” was and I’m a totally different person. I’ve been single for 8 years and although I never say never I can’t see myself having a relationship (I’m a F42yo) again. I love my freedom and while I can’t say I love my job I actually really enjoy it. But most importantly, it’s given me the time and money to work on and get to know myself. That’s something I’m so grateful for and not many are able to do. Anyway that was really long hopefully it’s interesting to someone lol. I hope whatever path you choose you find happiness and live your best life xx

• Literally look at any sociological study on the division of unpaid labor (home care, child care, general wellbeing tasks and appointments etc.), and see how much women sacrifice for men. In most marriages or long-term heterosexual relationships, we’re the ones running the home, caring for the children, making doctor’s appointments, following up on tasks, planning for the future, we’re the ones who sacrifice years of personal finance and growth to support a husband or boyfriend in their career or personal endeavors. We serve as free therapists, free maids, free sex toys, free caretakers of children. We sacrifice our bodies for pregnancy, childbirth, all for men who eventually complain our bruised and ripped vaginas didn’t bounce back fast enough to get their dick wet and that our stretch marks and wrinkles gross them out. And in the event of divorce, our value is put through the ringer. We’re told our income or labor didn’t contribute as much to the family as his measly paycheck. Even the most feminist man drags his feet at being an egalitarian partner on the day to day grind. So. No. Do not sacrifice your independence for a man who would never do the same for you. Put yourself first. First of all, it’ll make you safer and happier. And second of all, it’ll weed out the entitled losers who expect everything from you while they give the bare minimum.

• Nearly every escort that I have seen over the years has gotten out for one reason or another. Whether you are going to buck that trend or not is entirely up to you but if my experiences can speak to anything it would be that sooner or later your time will come too. I am of the opinion that only an individual can figure out how best to live their lives

• I can’t tell you what is best for you, however I can give you my experience. I had the “dream life”, perfect man etc… it’s an empty happiness. I’m now independently financially secure and live a life I’m truly happy in and that doesn’t involve a man. I wouldn’t quit my work for one, that’s for sure.

• Had a client that would make this high pitched squeal sound when he came. He sounded like a tea kettle, I shit you not. It was the craziest thing. Took me, mind body and soul not to laugh 😭😂🤣🤣🤣

• i will be sex working until my granny ass sags down to the floor. even then I’ll find some weirdo who wants to pay me to pick it up off the floor and put it on his face. this is the only life for me. but also, I found my husband in the civilian world and we’ve been together for almost 12 years. parent’s boss’s society will all make you think the life you love and want for yourself is somehow impossible- it isn’t. BE YOU do what you love and live your life UNAPOLOGETICALLY and you will watch in awe as it unfolds in front of you exactly how you want it to. don’t let the haters and jealous people – yes, even your own family – convince you that your dreams aren’t a perfectly valid way of living a life.

• I met a quality man while still a professional ho. It’s been eight years, pets, a wedding, and a house later, and he’s still here. I quit the business after a few years, but only because a job I liked that paid well, had a pension, and good benefits came along. I’d still be jerking off guys on their lunch breaks if it hadn’t. Not wanting to be with a guy or in a relationship at all is also equally valid.

• Personally I have a “vanilla” job and I do SW (online) it’s honestly up to you not anyone else what you do for your money. All your mum needs to care about is if you’re mental well-being is good and if you’re as safe as you can be. It’s your life not a do over of your parents and families

• So I have goals for sex work – pay off debt, save to run a business and buy an apartment. I like sex work and I want to put myself and my own happiness above anyone else’s. If someone I’m dating can’t accept that I do sex work, then they’re not someone I would date even if I didn’t do it. I don’t plan on having children and marriage seems more of a burden than anything 🤷‍♀️

• I’ve been a sex worker since 2014, and I met my husband in 2016. I’m still a sex worker and still happily married. There are quality men out there that aren’t jealous and are okay with this kind of work. You don’t have to choose between boyfriend or working. You can do both.

• My suggestion is to do sex work till you find a man you want to quit for. I own a massage parlor and those who are in relationships and even married, lie about their job. Those who are honest and their partners know about it, I’ve only known one happy couple in the 200 or so I’ve worked with. Keep working, saving, having some kind of backup plan and when/if the right guy comes along, then stop sex working and be with him. The guys you date now; you don’t need to tell about your work (I feel). When you are older you might regret not making more money while you were single and unattached. If you get serious with a guy and it doesn’t work out, then go back to sex work.

• I feel this from time to time just landed a new job and will be doing sex work part time , also dating sucks nowadays so while I’m not actively seeing someone I choose to focus on myself but also I need to be stable in life like career wise work on that first and who knows along the way I’ll meet someone.

• I’m an in-person sex worker contemplating trying online as well, and I’m engaged to an amazing man who knows what I do and is proud of me for it. It also sounds like you’re only contemplating going back to a civ job because of what others think. Ask yourself this: If no one was telling you to, would you yourself consider going back to a civ job? Or are you content with what you do now? What are the reasons you are/aren’t contemplating switching, and do any of them relate to anything other than yourself and your wants/needs? Fuck society, honestly. Being accepted by society is NOT worth being miserable, stressed, &/or having less money. Do what the fuck you wanna do.

• Chiming in as an awesome “good guy” that recently settled down haha…maybe being open to swinging and “lighter”/low key levels of sex work is something that can allow for a happy middle ground with a potential partner. My amazing girlfriend was starting online sex work at the time I met her and I definitely enjoyed and respected providers up to that point. We’ve spoken on ethnical non-monogamy, and the swinging space looks like it’ll have the variety part (but not the money potential, full freedom, etc.) that we both want to enjoy. We both have very conventional and decent-paying careers, although with lots of annual vacay time (education) to play, earn, etc.

What are the most stupid shit clients have ever said during the appointment and how did you respond? This client in his 20s looked me dead in my eyes and said “now you cum once, twice. Three times before I cum.” I wanted to slap him but I faked it 4 times. It didn’t take him too long… maybe 10min max.

Comments

• It was with a virgin, who really struggled to get his dick actually in me. We finally manage to wrestle him into place, we’re in mish, and he says ‘okay, now start squirting.’

• “My last girl told me I couldn’t find the clit, but I’m gonna show you that I can!” he then proceeded to very passionately lick my outer labia, I was like oh yeah… sure you know where it is

• “I bet you’re married. My dick is bigger than his isn’t it? I can tell because you’re so tight, he isn’t this big. I bet that’s why you’re doing this right? You don’t get enough good sex at home, with me you would always come, you would not have to do this.” In my head it’s funnier because he has a very thick Arabic accent and broken English – it’s hard to talk a big game when you’re not using your first language lol

• Had a guy who with ZERO foreplay fucked my thighs for ~30 seconds (mistaking it for my pussy), came, and then had the nerve to ask me if I had an orgasm…

• The funniest one for me is when they tell me they like it how I actually orgasm because so many providers fake it… I’ve never orgasmed with a client

• My clients tell me all the time how much they love my “perfect” “natural” tits. I usually play along. It works in our favor that they can’t tell real from fake

• Had a client who was struggling to get/stay hard the entire half hour (he told me about 15 min in that he had been drinking and doing lines all night…. I’ll never understand why guys do that shit and waste their time and money like umm no shit you can’t get hard dumbass!). After 25 min I let him know we had 5 min left and gently suggested we call it a night and just try again next time…. I shit you not when I tell you this man started PUNCHING, not slapping or tapping or aggressively rubbing but PUNCHING his own dick with what I can only assume was all of his strength!! With every punch he’s also grunting “why! Won’t! You! Get! Hard!” Well that was my cue to peace the fuck outta there!!! And no, there was absolutely not a next time lmao dear god these tricks are something else.

• It wasn’t during sex itself, but it still cracks me up. Dude in a typical single dude house. There’s a couch, a big tv, a coffee table, and literally nothing else in the living room. Nothing on the walls. Anyway he was trying to “impress” me with what a baller he thought he was, and he literally gestures to the barren room and says, “as you can tell, I am used to a certain quality of life”.

• At the end of my session last night, after the client had gotten dressed, he just stood there tensely with his belongings then finally looked at me and asked, “can I go now?” like I was his damn mother 😭 lmaooo, yes, john, you may GO

• “Um do I need to worry about anything? I mean your clean right?” Said 30 seconds after he cums. Didn’t seem to be a concern before you came when you were trying to sneak in some raw camel slides the whole time suddenly now you’re concerned?

• Omg I just had this happen but my period started while he had been eating it, he didn’t even notice, I noticed there was blood on the sheets when we went to change positions. He starts freaking out and asking me about STDs like sir if you were concerned about that you should have asked before you put my pussy in your mouth, my period starting doesn’t magically activate the STDs

• I encouraged him to talk dirty and all he could muster was, “I’M GONNA FUCK YOUR LIGHTS OUT” it took everything to not laugh in his face.

• I wasn’t fucking but whilst I was giving him oral then he complained that it was “too wet” and could I do it more “dry” 😂 and I said that all other men want wet sloppy oral & the only way I could stop my saliva is putting on a condom! He didn’t like that! 😂😂

• • Aaah, I had a dry oral dude, too! I refused to see him after that and specified it was because he was too particular about oral so I clearly wasn’t the girl for him and he said ‘no, it’s fine, I’ll just teach you how I like it. You’ll get the hang of it!’ Fuuuuck all these men.

• I was seeing a regular for some time, and we had a playful relationship. I told him that every session, he could ask one personal question of me (I’m thinking he would ask legal name, family, where I grew up, something along those lines). His first question was “on a scale from 1 to 10, how attracted are you to me.” LOLOLOL. Side note: I am not attracted to him at all. He is annoying, but he books regular shorter sessions. Quickly I responded, “a seven,” thinking that it would be the most plausible answer that would not hurt his feelings. He became obsessed. He would text me saying “blah blah blah, pretty good for a seven, right?” And it was even worse in session. Finally, I decided to raise my rates (by $50 bucks per hour), and I told him it was applicable to all clients. He threw a fit. I’m talking – paragraph after paragraph of texts. Said he has to “process this.” By this point, I was so f*cking done. I responded, “well, maybe if you were an 8.” The text conversation continued on his part. I never responded. I haven’t seen him since the summer, but I have received well wishes texts on holidays. Oh well, don’t miss him.

• “Yeah baby, you like that?” As he very passionately rubbed my upper thigh 😂

• God I immediately thought “cum once, twice, three times a ladddddyyyyyy” I’m the worst. Anyway the dumbest shit I heard was “I want to be your boyfriend” or “I love you” but that’s about it.

• Had a client that would make this high pitched squeal sound when he came. He sounded like a tea kettle, I shit you not. It was the craziest thing. Took me, mind body and soul not to laugh 😭😂🤣🤣🤣

• “So what do you do?” Ummmm. This. I do this. I do you. This is my job.

• Also the other day I had a fucking idiot who asked me if I provided “lactation fetish” I’m 45 years old. And that’s clearly on my profile. I’m pre-menopausal you dumb fuck. The last time my breasts had milk was in 1996.

Lately I hate doing my hair and makeup. I feel depressed. And I’m in the process of ending things for good with a long time regular. Last week he shoved it in raw without asking. He ignores me when I text him and I end up blocking him. He calls from other numbers when he realizes I’m not fucking with him anymore. It’s been slow for me but he does give me extras and have come through for me when I needed extra for whatever. But the relationship is just toxic I may have feelings for him, he’s been my client a little over 5yrs. How do I tell him I can’t continue??? What do you ladies do for mental health? Hopefully nothing involving money or needs a lot of money.

Comments

• What he did to you is stealthing and that is assault and illegal. Tell him you’re not seeing him cause he assaulted you. Regular or not this is unacceptable behavior. Please blacklist him he is dangerous. I hope you are alright. Please talk with people that support you. Good clients don’t act like this

• I had a regular take condom off and cum on my back. I’m blocking him. He helped me out by seeing me regularly. Every two weeks usually. But seriously wtf, he asked for raw last session wtf

• I’m sorry. That sounds awful. What he did was NOT okay and you’re allowed to feel whatever you feel about it, no matter if he was a regular or a stranger. It’s assault and nobody should expect that you just forget about it. You sound like you’re feeling hopeless. I wonder how much of the depression you’re feeling is related to dealing with that relationship even before the assault? I’m wondering if he has a habit of violating boundaries with you, and if he does, over time that seriouslyimpacts your mental health. Like, way more than you’d think. In the end it can leave you feeling so insignificant you’re willing to accept crumbs. (I’m not projecting or anything, ha!). Seriously, I can’t afford therapy either. What has saved my life again and again is connecting to others online who were sharing my experiences and could validate everything I felt – and I learned why I felt that way. I think a good starting point would be groups for people in toxic relationships, or tend to have a pattern of doing so. Considering ending it after five years is a huge deal. You’re not ending a normal or healthy relationship. The process of letting go and not looking back is really hard and I’m proud of you for standing up for your wellbeing even long enough to make ending it an option. It’s so worth it when you get to the other side, I promise. You are worth more than what you have now. I’ll be rooting for you, whatever you decide is best.

• You don’t have to explain anything. He knows what he did. Pretending that he doesn’t know is just manipulation. You need to focus on yourself so you can heal. What hobbies did you have in the past? Caring for house plants or going on walks in the early morning are two examples that help me.

• Devil is in the details and not even the person that was there called it assault, and I tend to believe the person who has been “assaulted” needs to see it CLEARLY as such before one goes claiming it on the rooftops, and to be “assaulted” is also a slippery definition, especially when the person in question had already consented to sex for FIVE years. Sounds like definitions and particulars when a guy oversteps his mark in the sexual realm, as though boundary lines are always soberly thought through in any sex act, like having a conversation over tea! But one’s hatred of certain men in one’s own experience can make fair judgement of ALL men nearly impossible, particularly when it comes to all the tensions involved in the personal and business end of SW. Which is why I suggested to the person focus on yourself, and don’t get lost in one’s hatred or victimhood, as that too is a slippery slope into a perpetual resentment and soul sickness that does no one any good.

I’m a 25 male, a really shy guy who wanted to try the experience, I thought it was something cool to do to start the new year. I searched for the right girl, it took me a lot, I read her description and it looked very well written and the feedback from previous clients seem legit, so I decided to call her. She replied and we set an appointment in the same day and from the voice I can clearly say that she was Italian, so everything was going in the right direction. I was really excited to meet this professional, she was a cute girl so I put a lot of effort to prepare myself and to have the best look possible, I took it as part of the experience. Unfortunately, the ride was late so I had to call her, hoping to postpone the appointment by 30 minutes, she said it wasn’t a big deal. I arrived at the place 5 minutes before and I called her to let her know that I was here. She said to go to a different address, like 50m from the previous, and then wait for her to show at the door. The girl who welcomed me wasn’t the girl from the post: at first I thought “maybe she’s a friend”, but then I realized it wasn’t. I was too frightened to tell her she wasn’t the girl I called before and go away, so I gave her the money and decided to pay for 30 minutes, she tell me to go upstairs and get undressed. She reached me after 5 minutes and she never put me in a good mood, it was my first experience, I felt very clumsy plus it wasn’t the girl I wanted to meet, I started to think that I had lost lot of time for this, but the worst had to come. She immediately started to touching my dick with the intention to get me hard (I imagined something different to start the appointment, like small talk, kissing etc. I told her that this was my first time and I didn’t know what I should do, I was expecting more guidance throughout). After 3 minutes of oral she told me to put it inside and then 1 minute later she started to say things like “Are you nearly done?” “We haven’t a lot of time” “I have clients out there waiting”. And here is where I stopped, put my clothes on, and told her that this was disrespectful (I never told her that she wasn’t the girl in the photo, she already knew for sure), so after 2 minutes of me ranting about the pressure she put to me, she said sorry and tell me that next time she will do it for half the price. All of this had taken 9 minutes. I’m really sad right now, I’m a lonely guy who wanted to feel appreciated for a moment and I didn’t get it even behind payment. I’m a loser because I haven’t had the courage to notice the incongruence and move on before giving her the money. It’s normal that some professional take advantage of people like me? I’m thinking that the real girl heard my young voice, my anxiety and thought I wasn’t good for her, so she sent me to another.

Comments

• Over thinking it buddy. Try another provider. To them it’s business. Some are good, some are rubbish. By rubbish I mean have no sense of creating a connection with you. You got unlucky. They won’t care who you are or remember you, you are just a punter with money. Some you will click with, some you won’t. Its human nature. The numbers might run like this, 1 in 5 will be good, the rest may not be what you wanted or expected. Good luck. Rarely you get the girl in the photo…. but sometimes you do.

• If you are flush with money, give another lady a go. Wear a watch and if you pay for an hour, you are entitled for an hour. Many people don’t wear watches and so it can be that you can get rushed. But the girl may take a phone call within an appointment and that is rude… and I won’t go back even if they were OK. Times are slow right now I have been told, they shouldn’t be rushing you, good providers should be recruiting regulars. Dress well, have a shower, put on some male fragrance, brush your teeth if you can before you see one. They shouldn’t rush you if you make an effort. I am even motivated myself to work out more. Double effect.

• After 3 minutes of oral she tell me to put it inside and then 1 minute later she started to say things like “Are you nearly done?” “We haven’t a
  lot of time” “I have clients out there waiting”. Not atypical, it happens with me one out of three times.

• I’ve not had one actually say that. That is really rude and unprofessional. I would certainly wear a watch and remind them you have paid for a set time. Conversely I would always leave on time.

So I was booked tonight by this client, who was very nice and polite with me the entire time, also tipped me well. After the first few minutes of talking and getting to know each other, I took the condoms out of my purse to get started. But he was super chill and relaxed and told me, to take my time, relax myself and not be stressed. I don’t know but he somehow sensed that I wasn’t into this and told me to try to forget about this and just relax. In reality I was just fine and I don’t know why he took this impression. So instead he wanted to kiss me a bit, then I asked him to massage me. Afterwards he wanted to do oral on me, I wasn’t super interested but I agreed. Then I put the condom and started performing oral on him for a few minutes but eventually our time finished before him penetrating me. He asked me for a few more minutes but it wasn’t possible since the time had exceeded. But I can’t help to feel that I didn’t make him have a good time or I disservice him. But when I tried being professional in the beginning he was all cool and acted like we have a huge amount of time. It wasn’t so much my fault. Any ideas??

Comments

• You didn’t disservice him, he got the time he paid for. He tipped well but didn’t want to pay more for more time? Did he tip up front? If you don’t want him as a regular, I wouldn’t worry about it at all. To keep a guy like this as a regular, it would probably be best to have worked out some way to have sex or at least have him finish somehow. Sounds like he’s a lover boy type who wants to believe that you like him, like spending time with him, and enjoy having sex with him. In my experience, about half of SWs are not interested in providing a Lover Boy Experience; it’s adding emotional work on top of sex work but for the same money. However, the other half of SWs seek out guys like this because they are safer, kinder, and are less likely to brutalize or disrespect you.

• He was trying to manipulate you and it almost worked or you wouldn’t be asking if you disservice him. Good for you for not letting him take advantage of you, if you give an inch they’ll take a mile. I do sexting and I kind of had this kind of thing happen , where the person just wanted to drag the chatting and make it “romantic” and steamy for “my pleasure” and it ended up in 2h of just ” erotic blablaing” and when he finally decided to start actually jerking, the time was up, despite me sending explicit live nude masturbating vids over and over again way before we’d run out of time and then he put me 😢sad face because he dragged it and thought I’d be willing to go over the paid time for free if ” I was getting actual pleasure out of it ” You can’t control what they expect. The guy you had probably wanted to focus on your pleasure and make you take things the slowest you could, just so he has free time ” on the house ” so to say 🙄 I suggest taking subtle control- you don’t need to be pushy or rushing them , but encourage them into the sex acts that are to eventually follow, pointing out that there is not a lot of time and motivate it by saying something like ” you actually get more pleasure from pleasuring them instead of having someone guess your erogenous zones for the first time ( which takes a lot of time to learn / takes twice to get right on a first time session and gives you half the pleasure 🙄 of course be as detailed on your reasoning as u consider according to their doubts level ) ” I tend to find a reason in anything so I always have a reasoning / justification to anything I need ( thanks childhood trauma lol ) but this comes handy when trying to impose boundaries/take some control back in this world that is goddamn filled by boundary pushers in any areas of sex work.

• Exactly! In my overall experience analyzing sexual men’s behavior, those who mainly wanted to focus on my pleasure alone did so just to get extra time since ” the woman is actually enjoying or at least seems to enjoy it so she won’t want to stop the session ” … don’t get me started on the ones who ” give directives on how the woman should masturbate ” 🙄🙄🙄 that’s a complete waste of fucking time and it’s just so they watch her reactions but its 90% reaction-acting and getting their directives right so there’s barely any pleasure for the provider in that 🫠 If we needed to focus on our pleasure, real life providers or camgirls, we pick our sex toys, and we do it on OUR TIME alone, or if we really need a real dick we try dating guys that match us on other levels that matter to us , not customers . We charge by hour to focus on YOUR PLEASURE and that’s it. We don’t become sex workers to ” win extra orgasms ” from customers and neither date customers , like some assume when messaging us 💀

• It’s happened to me before as well, but usually it’s done to try to guilt more time out of you. They do it on purpose. No reason to feel bad, you gave him the time he paid for.

• Nope, time starts when they walk in the door. I’m super clear about this now because of situations like this, but he wanted to slow down, not you. Times up when it’s up or he can pay more.

• I had a client recently Tell me he didn’t think the first hour counted and conversation didn’t count and someone I was supposed to only add up the sex time lol. He said it’s how brothels work (well this isn’t here) I also am more of a go with what they want and if they aren’t insisting or aware of time management that’s on them. If they need more time to cum they need to make sure they plan that out. If they don’t want to talk at all they need to say so. It’s a terrible feeling I know. I had my first session of no anything last month and felt sad for him but he also didn’t take his shoes off so I followed suit lol. Then he made comments about the time going too fast and took some of the money away lol.

Sex work has shown me the absolute worst men have to offer. I’m not getting into the actual incident but something happened tonight so much worse than the normal ‘ugh gross 🙄’ moments that are already annoyingly common. So fucking bad that I spent the last two hours virtually unable to do anything but cry, reverted back to my child self/vividly re-feeling the sexual trauma I faced so many years back. This is my misandrist arc. Too many men are not just able but EAGER and GET OFF on using and abusing women and it’s making me so sick I’m not sure I want to surround myself with any new men down the line beyond the friends I already have. I am so tired of being hurt and treated like something even worse than object. Because tonight, this man saw I was more than an object. He knew it hurt and what I was feeling and I clearly expressed it and he did more. Considering quitting, though I’ve dealt with gross idiots for about 10 months and usually pushed through. I don’t know I’m just very fragile right now. Pain.

Comments

• Some hire a security guard… that they can call on to make the client leave. Some live in apartments with onsite security. If sex workers that tell the client… “can you please stop, or I will ask you to leave”, need some exit route if the client is not respectful.

• Quit if you feel you have to. No job is for life and it’s weird someone would pressure you to continue doing a job you don’t like

• Monsters like this who know your triggers and do it out of pure pleasure, truly fucking scare me. Honestly I don’t blame you for wanting to leave, nor do I blame you for your viewpoint. All you can do is talk. First off are you safe? Do you feel safe? Can you get someplace where you do and around people who make you feel safe? Second I would say how are you? Definitely open up, I know the others say don’t discuss medical but seriously talk to someone or just find someone to sit around you don’t have to talk to them and sit in silence, that’s fine. You can talk when you’re ready. Third, me personally I would open an investigation. Anything without your consent is wrong and harming you is wrong. It maybe me just being naive. Lastly I am sorry that you had to experience this, you’re strong, you will overcome this dark moment in your life. Stay strong!

I am so fucking dumb. I literally have met with this dude before and he was always so cool and I was thinking like wow kind of seems like we could have a good relationship forming and BOOM After we was all done and shit, he offered to smoke a joint with me and I agreed. We just giving and chilling and we finish it and he’s like if u want to shower now is a good time so I’m like high and don’t think twice and I’m like yeah why not ILL TELL U WHY NOT tell me why in the shower I’m like “in a perfect world I’d get out and he’d be gone with the money on the table “……. get out and he’s fucking gone. Nothing on the table. Piece of shit.

Comments

• There is nothing worse than trusting someone who you think is cool, and realizing way too late that he’s a piece of s***. I hope that never happens again.
  • None of the guys are trustworthy. 16 years and every single one I trusted fucked me big time
    • Yes that’s terrible. You meet someone who appears to be the perfect client and realize they are horrible. And every time you trust someone, they fail you.

• I really recommend always getting the money at the beginning. Even if he’s a regular.
  • Yeah, idk why I just feel kind of like a bitch to ask for it first??? Like idk I’m new to this but wow that was a slap in the face
  • I’m so sorry this happened to you. Even with my regular providers I made sure to pay up front.

• Sorry, that happened to you…yeah, some men will 💯 throw away a great working relationship to get off once for “free” (being thieving, violating pieces of shit).
• I know what you mean about “feeling bitchy” even though only asking for something agreed upon, it just takes practice…they’re big boys and can handle it. I do my best to screen out assholes, and even though most who make it to meeting in person are good, fielding texts from sooo many assholes who don’t care about my feelings has made me not give a shit how they feel about the business part. Once it’s taken care of, I’m warmer and pleasant.

• It always blows my mind when this happens. Especially when it’s someone who they obviously enjoyed seeing well enough to come back multiple times! Aside from just being a complete dick move, it’s so short-sighted. I guarantee at some point they’re going to wish they could come back, but now they’ve burned that bridge.

• Obviously, he was already done with her. For a lot of these guys, it’s about variety and he saw the opportunity to take that money back to buy himself another one.
  • I think they don’t care about burning bridges because they want to scam as many providers possible. :/
  • I’m surprised more of them aren’t scared of us lol. A lot of girls have pimps who are gang or mob affiliated. The mob owns a lot of the agencies too. I’m surprised they’re not shit scared to rip us off knowing we have their name from screening and can easily find out where they live. I know girls who would have someone at the guys door in a snap of a finger to get that money. Maybe it’s just where I’m working though? They really don’t fuck around here
  • To be fair, you would have to have the exact right amount of “being afraid” to have an effect. If you are too afraid of pimps, you will likely not become any kind of client, not even a “scared” one. If you are not afraid at pimps at all, you will scam whenever you want. Only if you are so afraid that you think bad things will happen if you do bad things, but not otherwise, you would be a client where you could perceive an effect.

• I’ve always wondered about that, why cash payments weren’t an option. I guess for this case scenario the guy saw a chance to get his money back and secured and he took it. I would fucking lose it if my job messed with my paycheck by a couple bucks. Can’t imagine how it feels to provide this kind of service only to get nothing except a slap on the face. Dudes an asshole
• If anyone complains about it (they shouldn’t) just tell them why you’ve had to start doing it that way and say it’s nothing personal. If they raise a big stink about it, to me that’s a red flag that either they’re looking to pull something similar, or they just don’t respect you enough. If you set the expectation before meeting as well that payment is to be upfront, it should hopefully weed these guys out somewhat. I think we all have this slap in the face by a regular at least once, but it’s a learning experience, albeit a painful one.
• This is a mistake you only make once.

Get it at the beginning of the session AND THEN MOVE IT OUT OF SIGHT. Don’t leave the envelope within view during your session — same thing happened to me once several years ago on a 4-hour bdsm session ($1000). My third session with a client from out of town. Had an amazing session, went to the bathroom at the end, and he quickly ran off with the envelope that I had collected at the beginning of the session and stupidly left on the counter. Just ran to his car and drove off. Nowadays, I always count the money in a separate room and store it in a separate room out of sight. Even for regulars.

• This is what I say when I walk in and don’t see the money anywhere (after a couple of phrases of small talk), “Alright, I know the donation is somewhere, but I’m not seeing it.” Or, “Okay, then I’ll take the donation, go wash my hands and we can get started.”
• At my incall I have a leather envelope in the bathroom, so I invite them to wash their hands and say, “Okay, the donation goes into the red envelope, please wash your hands with soap, and here’s your clean towel.” I haven’t had anyone suggest they’d pay in the end so far, but if they did, I’d say, “Oh I prefer to take care of the business side first and then relax and enjoy,” or “I’m sorry, this is not how it works,” depending on their attitude. If the attitude seems potentially dangerous, you’d want to bolt asap anyway.

• just out of curiosity is there a reason you use the phrase “prefer to”? In my mind it would make more sense to say “always” there, because saying it’s a preference makes it sound like it’s optional/up for debate. or is it more if he tries to pressure then you know he’s likely to be dodgy and then you bail?

• It depends on who’s in front of me. Most people understand “prefer” in this case as “that’s how we gonna be doing it buddy,” the same way you’d say “I’m afraid we’ll need to take care of this upfront” doesn’t mean I’m literally afraid, it means “that’s how we gonna be doing it buddy.”

• it’s not bitchy at all. You walk through my door, and if you don’t immediately start reaching for my tribute, I will ask you for it. Nothing more is happening until I have money in hand.

• Always count it too before leaving them. I am a bit new as well and I was shorted by a third of it. It is frustrating so I am just doing a lot more research on these subs so I can avoid getting burned. It sucks that this is how we have to learn though, clients can be pigs honestly.

• Don’t feel like that. I have been so nervous a couple of times that I completely forgot about payment. The lady simply asked for it, and I handed it over. No fuss. Usually just a, ‘Can you just pay me first, please?’ and nothing more needs to be said.

• rule number 1, ALWAYS get the money up front. no exceptions. We may disagree a lot on this sub, but we can all agree on that

• Yeah, I felt awkward asking for the money when I started. You get used to it. I usually have like a sentence that I say automatically, so I don’t have to overthink and can say it with confidence. Really there is no reason to feel bad about this. You deserve your compensation, just be assertive and firm about it.

• Noooooo honey!!! You HAVE to ask for it upfront! If you, don’t it WILLLL happen again! If they don’t put it down before we start, I just say “Oh! Babe, do you have the donation?” I’ve never had anyone be upset about me asking. Please get it first!

• I always tell them we won’t discuss my fee when we meet but they should have it on the bathroom vanity. That way I count it and hide it before anything else happens. When I arrive, I use the bathroom. But I was once high and had part of my fee taken back when I left my bag unattended. We have to stop trusting these guys. They are on their best behavior at first so you will relax and trust them. This is when they will remove condoms, steal back fees, film you and drug you. They suck. It happens to us all and I am sorry it happened to you. Black lists him.

• Reading this makes me feel a bit better about not counting it one time and getting shorted. I felt so dumb and stupid and told myself that this doesn’t happen to anyone else you need to be smarter. I am just doing a lot more reading on these subs to educate myself more for tips and safety.

• Everyone pretty much covered it, but wanted to add don’t ever let a trick out of your sight, like don’t take a shower while he’s out there chillin or he could leave with a lot more than the $ he brought!

• I’m gonna echo what some other people here have said, but not getting paid for your service is an assault. I’m sorry this happened to you. Don’t listen to anyone who tries to tell you should have known or expected it or anything because being trusting is not something you need to feel bad about. This guy took advantage of your trust and he is the one who should feel like shit. You won’t know if he ever does, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is you take the lessons you learned from this experience and learn to apply them to better protect yourself in the future. Sounds like you already know how to do that, you just need to find the confidence to insist for payment first. The secret to confidence is performing it btw. You don’t actually have to be confident, just make people think you are. I believe in you and your capacity to do this. Hope you do to 💛

• As a client I ALWAYS get the money out of the way. Mfs will play you if u let them.

• Same here. One time she for some reason put the envelope on my kitchen table and forgot about it. As she was leaving, I noticed it and ran it out to her. I kinda had a suspicion too that she was more into me than she was ready for, and was maybe a bit flustered. NGL I was really into her too, but I stick to boundaries.

• On the topic of getting paid first, I do a few different things for work (including full-service sex work) most of them are one on one client work. I once had a trainer comment at a multiday training I was doing, when we were talking about appointment flow, that I always got them to pay first. She said “that’s such a sex worker thing to do” and directly said that after the appointment was more appropriate. The reality is, that lots of different service providers do take payment upfront these days. Especially specialist and niche services. Or they take your card details during the booking process and charge you even if you don’t show up for the appointment. Apart from the potential dicks who have no intention of paying, processing payment first means it’s not something you have to keep in your head for the length of the appointment. You can relax more. Or at least I can. Rehearse a little phrase that works for you, and if they don’t immediately offer payment, then reel that off every time. Even if it feels uncomfortable. I will say, the only thing I do notice if I take payment upfront for my other work, is that I’m slightly less likely to get tips from new people if they pay before the appointment. Having said that, I do live in a country where tipping isn’t standard across all industries. And my pricing doesn’t make me reliant on that, and I prefer to get paid first, in almost all work situations. And you’re not dumb. You had a work relationship with this person, and you trusted them. It happens. And it’s so shit when it does!!!!

• Wow I would lose my mind honestly. What a desperate loser for him to do that. And please don’t comment and point out the obvious – telling her she should have got the money upfront is victim blaming and I’m sure she already knows that. We ALL let our guard down with the wrong person now and then it’s human nature ❤️

• I would never shower until they’re gone. Chalk it up to the game. You won’t ever trust a guy again
  • Also, money first. Then make them shower. Hide money while they’re in the shower. NEVER TRUST A TRICK. EVER.

• I’m so sorry! I know exactly how you feel! I have told this before but I’ll tell it again so you don’t feel so alone…I had a regular, a really nice and gentlemanly guy (so I thought 🙄). We finished our session and he asked for a bottle of water. I went to get it. By the time I was coming back to the room he was on the way out of the room and grabbed the water and said he had to hurry back to work. I didn’t even think anything of it. I said bye and he went on his way. A little later I went to where I keep my money stash and it was GONE!!!! He must have watched where I put the money and when I went to get the water he took it all. 😫😭. I never heard from him again. 😭😭😭. Y’all use this as your sign to NEVER TRUST a client! No matter how many times you have seen them or how “nice” they seem!

• Why are you not getting payment up front regardless of if you get high or shower you should be doing this?

• this happened to me the other day. It just reminds me why I always get the money first, and also why I am requiring deposits now too

• You aren’t wrong to expect a level of respect for doing your job and expecting payment. I advise letting other people in your line of work know who this person was on a encrypted chat/messenger. I

• Always money first and put it away somewhere safe. This has happened to my gf several times in the past, while she is using the bathroom.

• this makes me so angry. any time I have been trying to be nice and not super crazy about money first, I have always been assaulted. If u want dm me

• I’m so sorry this happened to you 🙁 you have to be SO careful!! If you shower, bring all your belongings with you into the bathroom and ofc, like so many have said here, get the money up front. It can feel awkward but you have to think of it professionally – people are used to paying for other services up front and this is a job just like any other.